Beware the Ides of March and females with shotguns.

Beware the Ides of March and females with shotguns.

Here's a story from 2003 or 2004.

I was married to a knee-jerk liberal, I'll call her Lisa, who thought she was smarter than everybody else, except for John Stewart.  It's funny, Lisa actually thought his name was John Daily because his show is called the Daily Show.  I found out the following events about a week after they occurred, because the participants, a mentally ill 45 year old, Lisa, and a deranged and suicidal crack baby teenager, Shae, swore to each other that they would never tell anybody what happened.  Some idiots just can't keep a secret.

This happened in a working class black neighborhood just north of Over-The-Rhine in Cincinnati, Ohio.  Over-the-Rhine has the highest rate of violent crime by zip code in the entire United States.  I used to keep a home defense Mossberg 500 shotgun in the kitchen broom closet.  One day when I was out of town Shae came over to hang out with Lisa.  Shae lived in the Parker house which was on the same street.  With Lisa watching, Shae went into the broom closet and pulled the fabric shotgun case out of the closet.  Lisa carefully and apparently calmly watched her unzip the case and remove the shotgun to look at it.  Neither Lisa nor Shae had any experience handling firearms but that was okay because Lisa had a master's degree in art history and was smart, right?  Lisa watched Shae handle the shotgun and then decided they should leave the kitchen and go out on the porch with it.  With Lisa "supervising" she watched Shae work the action, thus chambering a round.  Shae also eventually unlocked the safety and pulled the trigger.  Boom!  Shae discharged a round into the backyard.  Briefly realizing that she was a total idiot, (not Shae, but Lisa) Lisa had Shae put the shotgun back in it's case and put it back in the broom closet.  They both sat in the kitchen and waited several minutes for the police to arrive.  The police never came, it was THAT kind of neighborhood.

The next week I checked on the shotgun and noticed it had a round in the chamber and had been fired.  I asked Lisa if she had touched the shotgun.  She then recounted this incredible story of ultimate stupidity.  Her excuse?  "It's okay, I was watching."  I said, "You do not even know how to handle a firearm.  She could have blown your head off!"

Eventually I got an offer from someone I trusted at the time to hold on to my guns, and due to Lisa's idiotic irresponsible actions, I got all the firearms out of the house.